our world

I will meet you where the stars light up the moonless skies

Right at the centre of the rainbow, as the day leaves to explore her darker side

In the magic brilliance of the twilight hues, we will for a moment bid the world adieu

And as my hand finds yours in the silence, together we'll breathe and dream anew

17 D: Lessons of life!

The stench of fish is slowly nauseating me, I can feel sweat trickling down my body but I use my arm pit to snuff out the concoction of aroma conjured by a mix of jasmine flower and irksome body odour that is fast circulating around me. I am struggling not to sway too much in the direction of the man with a big umbrella, gazing nastily at me, his evil agenda too obvious in his un-empathetic eyes. Big mad women shove and push me, and deny me of a place to give my feet a rest from the constant stamping. I hear conversations being carried out in a strange tongue between the driver and the passenger in the last seat, I hear conversations between people seated next to each other; both have the same effect on me as both are being produced by the strongest lungs I have ever come across, hinting the symptoms of a fast developing headache. And now I think to myself : “First thing I will do tomo is get a car loan and get myself a good air conditioned car! I am done with commuting by public transport!!!!”

And then within a couple of seconds I spot an empty seat ahead of me and before the message is relayed from my eyes to my brain to trigger some reaction from my limbs, I see a huge figure lurching towards it with full zeal as though it is the last drop of water in a scorching desert or maybe even the last man left on earth! and within a blink of my eyelid, I feel a solid shove. By the time my reactive mechanism takes in what happened I look back to see this woman with her legs wide apart sporting a gratified smile and occupying ‘MY’ seat!!!! I cursed my reflexes and stared ahead with the same feeling that the Red Indians must have felt when Christopher Colombus ‘found’ the Americas!!! And then I made a vow to myself, the next time I spot an empty seat I am going to jump into it no matter who I stamp, who I shove, who I kill!

Minutes pass by, the conductor is on a mission to shout at every single person who doesn’t hand out exact change to him. If you ever have to use public transport in Chennai remember that not having exact change is a criminal offence, if u ever hand out a crisp 100rs note it amounts to third degree murder and the sentence will be nothing less than capital punishment. The conductor is at his best today, his monologue drifts through the hundreds of point less dialogues taking place in the bus, through the clanking of pots and vessels onboard the 17d, giving my headache even more reason to worsen.

At that moment, through the corner of my eye I see a lady seated near me making moves suggesting that she will get out in the next stop( now noticing these moves doesn’t require any intellectual training, it can be easily captured from a single line emanating in the strange yet familiar tongue: “konjam thallungo” followed by a subsequent push and shove of standing passengers – all subtle nuances of an emerging opportunity to rest my by then swollen toes!). I slip into the seat by some miracle as soon as the woman is out, though it required a self acquired art of clenching all modes of entry to the seat, namely the seat handles with all my might and not letting anyone trespass that small line of control made that very second by my shoulder blades and arms.

So I sit and heave a huge sigh of relief and begin my hobby of observing people and seeing what they do. First I see a young woman who could be no older than 25 with two kids straddled onto her torso and another three hugging her by the stomach. I watch her holding her kin close to her and with delectable grace hand out exact change to the conductor saying , “naalu ticket, govt hospital”. I wonder why she was heading to the hospital, was she a maid there? Or maybe she lived somewhere there.. hmmm or maybe she has an appointment there,… But whatever be the reason for her choice of destination what prolonged in my mind was a resenting afterthought.

While I had been struggling not to sway in all possible directions while the bus followed the twists and curves of the driver’s appalling navigational skills, here was this woman taking care of herself as well as another five in such a natural and composed demeanor with no sign of irritation or frustration. In the couple of seconds that the bus followed a straight path and did not cause any of the passengers to do a peculiar ‘aasana’, she checked on her brood and their temperatures, giving away the reason of the hospital visit which maybe couldn’t wait till the next day. She did not show any sign of discomfort, she did not even notice the man with the big umbrella, she cared even less for the hundreds of deafening conversations that was being relayed. All she cared for was her children and their safety and to reach the hospital. Seeing their slipper-less feet and ragged clothes, a thought lingered in my mind, maybe this bus ride itself is a luxury for her. Maybe she was carrying two over grown children on her love handles out of necessity to spare two tickets!

Watching her grace and composure I felt ashamed to have complained so much I realized there was something here I could learn from her. Maybe the reason of my tryst with public transport and it’s evils is part of the super power’s mega plan to teach me a moral lesson that I failed to capture in its complete essence in the last 24 odd years of my existence: humility .

The bus then stopped at a traffic signal, taking more than 15 minutes to crawl ahead, and then rumbled on in a promising speed for a full 10 minutes raising my hopes of getting home sooner only to get caught at the same signal, twice!! Again, the temptation of the luxury of a car came to my mind, I thought, I should have just studied harder and gotten myself a job that paid more so that I could afford a car. But humility triumphed and scorned at my selfish thought and I just sat and smiled thinking I am a better person today having understood a meaningful value in life…

Sadly, the crucial lesson about humility died an instant death when the lady sitting beside raised her right butt cheek (can be read as a full water balloon) a bit and confidently released a solid amount of a gaseous substance that smelt worse than sulphur dioxide! She effortlessly managed to suffocate me and so naively she sat as thought toxic gas release is as trivial as a sneeze! I see my stop approaching, I use my duppatta to save my lungs from choking on the odour of the lady’s indigested lunch and get into wrestling mode to wiggle my way out of a bus full of hardworking or maybe just extra sweat producing men and women, trying my best to make sure I do get out at my stop.

After getting pushed out of the bus, I look back and see the board again 17 D – KK nagar to Broadway (my daily patience testing, frustrating, filthy means of getting to and fro office), I also see the fifteen people hanging by the door and even by the window and I resume my daily cursing of public transport in Chennai.

Humility by now was looking down at me from heaven, heaving a huge sigh…

a dream job...

the time is 2:37 p.m on a sultry afternoon spent in an air conditioned office cubicle. Right after lunch, i find my eyes in a hurry to sleep in a pace that matches the speeds at which i often ran to class in my college days,being late as usual. Looking back now i think much has not changed. I do not talk of politics, economy, sport or entertainment when i say nothing much has changed, for indeed much has changed in those arenas. From an afro american half-muslim taking the reigns of the United States ( Martin Luther king's dream is slowly being realised!), to the collaboration of sports and entertainment to create the IPL ( International Paisa Loot), much has indeed changed, much has indeed been transformed. Well change in its true glory has not entered my life in the past 7 years. Of course there have been minor indications of ageing, false alarms of wisdom and maturity, as well as the transition in environment (school to college to work to college to work again). But on the onset, when i examine change as a whole and attempt to explore critical changes in the last 7 years, the ever active part of my brain, namely the logical reasoning department, urges me to discover the traces of a structure that appears to be a heptagon. I started at one point, took various turns at various crossroads for specific intervals, in pursuit of something better and bigger that would finally answer the ever pressing question: "What am i supposed to be doing?". Irresolutely leaving the benefits of a premeditated trajectory, I took faith in the not so promising prospects of the 'happy go lucky' phenomenon and let nature (includes plants, animals, microbes and man) and the supernatural cosmic powers lead me to supposed greener pastures, higher up the learning curve.

With loyalty never fading, determined to find the reason for my being, here i am having traversed diverse paths, having met two distinct classes of people: inspiringly interesting as well as annoyingly uninteresting, to be jolted awake to be informed that my 'final' destination has arrived. I open my eyes in sheer enthusiasm only to find the ever so familiar billboard, "WELCOME 'BACK' TO SQUARE ONE'. Ah, well there has been a change after all, the 'back' has been added to the billboard in the course of my journey.So from just a higher secondary certificate,to a degree in management, a years experience of monarchy and its perils and two years of post graduational bliss,having commenced each one with the hope that, now this will tell me clearly what i am good at and what i'm intended to do; here i am in the first year of my professional career as a content resource, doing what i always loved from when i was just 6 years old: writing!

Well the answer was always there,it was so evident that the one thing that i could do was write, it could be a silly poem for my dad's birthday, my first book- the rixies in sixth grade( which was highly suspected of violating Enid Blyton's copyrights) but not guilty until proved as the law of the land states :) ) or my virtual log of passing thoughts and whimsical poetry! I enjoyed writing and now onboard the global content management team of a reputed IT company, i still enjoy writing!. But never did i know that doing what you loved was what what you are supposed to be doing. I always thought that doing what you love is your hobby and doing what you have to do is your job!And this delightful revelation that "writing" is what i am supposed to be doing made me realise that from when i was a kid i knew what i was supposed to be doing, but i never took it seriously,i downplayed my passion for writing, suppressed it and somehow it survived neglect for ages only to live out my destiny.

Many a times we give up on what we love doing, we cast our glances away from frequent reminders our heart throws at us, being stubbornly sure that we do not know best and set out on our search to find out what we are supposed to be doing. We while away years in this quest, productively if luck favours us and keep searching only to find our hearts echoing our passion. We choose to not hear and seek again, in different avenues, in different people, in different geographies only to realise that we have been searching with our eyes blindfolded. If only we took off the blindfold and re-affirmed our faith in our selves and our potential, if only we understood that a great change or metamorphosis is not essential to realize the scope of our lives (or self-actualization as Mr. Abraham Maslow calls it- could not help showing off some of my MBA jargons. I did pay a pretty big sum to learn them!).  

All that we need to really do is listen to our hears, time will only tell us what our hearts have been telling us all the while! :) 

untitled!

and then there are moments of hope, moments of despair, moments of doubt and moments of pain, you think this is the end. u cry everyday coz u dont know what is right or what is wrong. then u cry coz what is right is so far away frm what you want it to be.. and then one day u unleash all those tears in one last summer tempest, u wipe ur face dry and from somewhere within us we muster the courage to move forward, and then u see urself ride thru them, moment by moment day by day, growing in faith, rising in hope, and then ur heart sings, " I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW THE RAIN HAS GONE:)" and then u realise, now it wasnt tat bad afterall. we all win, we all lose, we all smile, we all cry, we all love, we have to let go,but our greatest strength lies in believin in success,love, joy and miracles no matter how hard the fall is FOR, "the greatest glory indeed is not in never failing, but in rising each time we fall" :)

UNTITLED

Leaving my home in the month of may
Dreams and ambitions blinded my way
A skip in my step, merry was my day
Tranquil at heart, all fears at bay

I was ready to fly, soar over the seas
Over the mountains and beyond the trees
With faith in those wings you promised me that day
Those pictures you painted, of sunshine and ray

I felt my heart ache, when i saw it unveil
That deceiving mask you taught me to hail
The evil it revealed, bore through my soul
Brown eyes that shone of treachery most foul

I vowed to fight back and stand for whats right,
Ready to batte till my values lost sight
But wounded by your black dagger of deceit
I staggered a moment in the face of defeat

Surrounded by questions and cruel despair
I chose not to fall and let down my mare
She found me before i resigned to my fate
And reminded me the key, was forgiveness not hate

She galloped quicker than those darts you threw
Right past those arrows and pictures you drew
I saw those false wings melt in the rays
Of the golden sunshine, kissing my face

She lifted me up and carried me through
Revenge and curses forgotten as i flew
I flew over the seas , the mountains and trees
Banished your vows from all my memories

No more false pretences, no Moghul to please
Ive reached my destination, my woes are at ease
While you drown in ambitions that never seem to cease
I live my day to the fullest, every happiness i seize

I laugh at those dreams those promises you gave
Those lies i believed my destiny would pave
But never did i know i was headed doom's way
When i left home in the month of may

Spare me a moment

Spare me a moment,

One last look at thee

Spare me a touch,

The taste of your symphony



I've won and I've lost,

Legions and wars

I've killed and I've fought,

To the tune of my wrath



The cry of a mother,

The grief on her face

The tear of a lover,

All insignificant in haste.



Riches and wealth,

I've gathered no end

Murders and stealth,

The wares that i vend



You flew to my heart,

My passionate doe

My evils did part,

You unburdened my woe.



You taught me to love,

To forgive and forget

You helped me to sow,

For all souls, respect



I lay these white roses

At the foot of your bed,

A heart full of losses

With love you once fed


To me your never gone,

An angel asleep

The rhythm of our lovesong

Still stifles my weep.


Spare me a moment,

One last look at thee

Spare me a touch,

The taste of your symphony

The Cry Of The Black Lady of Rhyme.

Dark shadowless, screens of black,

Memories of you, have I a stack.

The past a horror, i shouldnt look back,

In fear of that moment, that cruel attack.



You remind me of love, the joy i now lack,

Those cold winter nights, we spent as a tack.

You were my prince, my beloved jack,

They took you away, with that single hack.

How do i let go, these memories unpack?

Of days foregone, that have left me a wrack.

I bury you now, my soul alack,

Deep in these shadowless, screens of black.